The Infamous Monkey
by Merciless Ruby
Summary: Toushiro and Momo, along with Orihime, Rukia, Renji, & Ichigo, go to the zoo! But is a certain Shiro-chan jealous of a MONKEY because Momo thinks it's cute? HitsuHina! R&R!


_**I do not own Bleach. Please visit my profile! Please leave me a review!**_

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The large door that led from the human world to Soul Society opened widely and a large, gleaming light shined the whole room. Urahara watched, his hair cascading wildly as the wind grew stronger. He had a welcoming smile on his pale face when he saw the shinigamis step out of the portal. Once they were all out, the portal closed and the intense wind soon fainted. Urahara let go of his hat and walked towards them.

"Ah, it's nice to see all of you!" he said in enthusiasm.

"Oh, cut the crap." Renji said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The man always said that to everyone, and he never meant it.

The ex-taichou of division twelve frowned but then smiled. He turned around and walked out of his large training field that was located below his shop. The others followed him quietly. Once they were all out, they met up with Ichigo and Orihime.

Momo looked at them confusingly, since this was her first time seeing Ichigo, Urahara, and Orihime. It has been six years since the Arrancar War and the shinigamis were busy cleaning up the once-destroyed Seireitei. Just last month, the whole Seireitei was completely fixed and everything else was back to its self. The lieutenant for the fifth division still felt depressed about the whole Aizen thing, but slowly and magnificently, she is getting better. Unohana thought that it was a great idea for Momo to take a rest from the busy work of Soul Society, and instead she should have a small break and erase her mind about her treacherous, ex-captain.

When Unohana heard that Renji and Rukia were going to take a break as well in the world of the living, she decided that Momo should go with them, and gladly, this idea was proved by the head of captains.

But, there was a slight problem, Toushirou Hitsugaya. The tenth-division captain didn't like one part of that idea, the fact that nobody would protect his close friend. Sure, Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, and Renji were going to be there, but he still doesn't trust none of them. Pretty much, they're all still recovering from the war. So what's the solution for that problem? Simple, he has to come along.

"Are you guys ready to go?" Ichigo asked, feeling pretty impatient.

The others nodded and they all walked out of the shop.

Momo held on to her friend's arm and looked around at the strange world they were in. Toushirou looked at her worryingly.

"What's wrong Momo?"

"This place just seems weird. What are those things people are using?" she asked as she watched a couple of boys ride on their skateboards down the banisters of the metal staircases.

"Who knows." he muttered, shrugging it off.

The group walked a few streets. Momo was fascinated with some of the strange things that were around. She asked where they were heading, but Ichigo just told her that it was a place where she nor Shirou-chan has never seen in their life.

They stopped in front a large, opened gate. There was a person dressed in weird clothings. His hair was puffed up and it was pink, yellow, and white. His nose was a red ball and he had white paint all over his face. His clothings were hideous as well. His pants had polka dots that were the color of the rainbow. His shoes had to be bigger than Toushirou's spiky hair and they were pink.

"What's that?" Momo asked, pointing at the silly-looking person.

"That's a clown." Orihime answered her. "He's just dressed up like that to entertain people."

Momo nodded and saw the weird man walk towards her. His goofy grin now widened into an ugly one and his eyes were closed. To her, the man looked kind of like Gin.

"Hello little lady!"

Momo jumped a bit and held onto Toushirou tightly. This guy was freaking the shit out of her.

"Um, hello?"

"What's your name?" he asked.

"M-Momo.."

"Oh what a beautiful name for a gorgeous young lady! You know that you're very attractive! I have never met a beautiful lady like you in my life! Why don't you come with me right now and _we can have some fu-"_

**_PUNCH!_**

The perverted clown fell back as Toushirou's fist met his face. The angry taichou of tenth division grabbed the clown from the collar of his ugly costume and lifted him up against a tree.

"You dare touch Momo and that red nose of yours will be sticked up your ass."

The clown nodded comprehending-ly and the smaller boy threw him on the ground. The others just gaped at the shinigami. Oh, someone was jealous!

Toushirou stared at the gaping people and they all just turned away.

"Alright then. Let's walk around! We can meet up here in an hour or so!" Orihime chirped before grabbing Ichigo's hand and running away.

Renji and Rukia ran their way to somewhere else, and now it was just Toushirou and Momo.

Let the fun begin!

"Where do you want to go now?" Momo asked him, completely clueless of the situation they were in.

"I don't know." the boy answered, shrugging his shoulders. "Let's just walk around."

The two walked inside the zoo and looked around. Momo found a special type of creature that caught her eyes and she ran towards it, dragging Toushirou with her.

"Aw, this thing looks so cool! I wonder what it is!" Momo said as she grabbed the thing's hand and giggled.

"It's called a monkey," Toushirou replied, reading the small board that was in front of the large cage, " and it came from some place called Africa."

"Oh that's cool! This monkey is so cute! Don't you think so Shirou-chan?"

"No."

Momo turned around and faced him confusingly.

"Why not!? It's so cute!"

"Momo, the damn thing _stinks_ more than Yamamoto taichou's breath!"

"So what! It's cute, and it's harmless!"

"Whatever..."he muttered as he gave up.

Momo giggled as she began to play with the other monkeys that came towards her. Toushirou watched her from the corner of his eyes, thinking about how beautiful she looks. Her hair was in a ponytail and she wore a white tank-top with a pink, mini-skirt.

All of the sudden, his eyes widened when he saw the hairy thing try to lift up Momo's skirt. He growled and pulled his crush, causing the monkey to run back to its branch.

"Hitsugaya-kun, what's wrong?" Momo asked him.

"That thing was lifting up your skirt!"

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was Bed-Wetter Momo. I saw it."

"If it was doing that, I would have felt it! You're just jealous of this cute little monkey. Look at it, you almost made it cry!"

Toushirou gaped as he saw the thing pout its lips and whimper. Momo smiled at it and rubbed its head.

Him, jealous of a _monkey_!? Now, that one was a new one.

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, the taichou looked away angrily. How dare she say that he was jealous of something so ugly!? Seriously!

But Toushirou knew that the monkey was going to do its previous trick one more time. He stared at the thing carefully, waiting for it to do its mischievous trick.

"I wish I could keep it! It's so friendly."

You have to be kidding with me. Toushirou felt a vein pop up as he heard his crush/best friend giggle around with some dirty, ugly, hairy thing. Heck, Hollows are better looking than monkeys.

"Momo, look! It's lifting up your skirt!"

Momo looked downward but the monkey was already a few inches away from her. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at the shocked taichou. Damn that monkey was fast!

"Shirou-chan you need help. The monkey is not lifting my skirt up!"

The boy growled and looked away. He glared at the other monkeys laugh at him. Oh, they were _not _gonna get away next time. Toushirou looked at the monkey play with his friend without blinking. He was _determined _to catch these things, and Momo will apologize to him.

A smirk came across his face as he saw the infamous monkey do it dirty trick again, and this time, Toushirou was not going to yell it out.

Quietly, Toushirou bend down and all of the sudden grabbed the hem of Momo's skirt, swapping it away from the monkey's hand.

"Gotcha..." He smirked, giving a slight glare at the scared animal.

"Um, Shirou-chan, why are you looking up my skirt?"

Toushirou's eyes widened and he quickly looked up at her, which was a bad idea. Instead of looking at her face, he saw something else that he wasn't supposed to look at, yet...

Momo blushed and kicked her friend away, causing him to crash against the monkeys' cage. While Momo fixed her skirt, two monkeys threw their bananas at him. The taichou growled and began to shake their large cage wildly, causing the poor animals to lose their balance and fall.

"Shirou-chan, what are you doing!?"

The boy stopped and turned around to glare at her.

"I'm sick of these monkeys!" he said. "Let's go home."

He grabbed her hand and walked away towards Urahara's shop, not noticing the banana that was smashed against his butt.

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Three weeks later!!

Toushirou Hitsugaya sighed as he continued to do his work. This had to be the five-thousandth paper he has signed throughout the tiring past ten hours of the day. Matsumoto was off drinking somewhere with Kira, Hisagi, and Renji, so poor him he had about three thousand papers left to do. But he wasn't too angry since the day was calm and everything was peaceful...

Until...

"Shirou-chan!"

He heard his friend's squeaky voice and suddenly the door opened. He looked up and saw her run up to him with a large box in her small hands.

"I got you a present!"

His eyebrows cocked up and he smiled at the large box that was set on his desk.

"Thank you, Bed-Wetter Momo. But, what is it?" he asked, staring at the large thing all of the sudden move on its own.

"Just open it! I know that you'll love it!"

Toushiru shrugged and began unwrapping the box. Now laid a naked wooden box, which continued to move on its own. Strange. He opened it and all of the sudden a monkey jumped out and began to jump on top of his desk. Toushirou gaped as Momo giggled, her cheeks turn brightly pink. The monkey grabbed the taichou's paperwork and quickly began to ripping them apart. Toushirou's eyes came out of its sockets, shocked to see that his ten-hour work was ripped into pieces,

...and later on eaten and crapped out right in front of him

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